Last year, 10 years after my accident, marked the point in my recovery where I have been out of pain longer than I was in pain.
It seems silly, but that was a very big deal for me.
In my mind, it felt like I could start over from zero. Not like it never happened, but like I got a do-over equipped with better skills.
Then unexpectedly I was thrown back into recovery in the middle of last year after experiencing neurological complications from surgery.
I didn’t expect what would manifest since. It was slow at first, almost undetectable.
I started to avoid going out or doing certain physical activities I enjoyed. l was getting more and more afraid of waking the monster because the slightest misstep and the consequences would be unbearable.
Over the last year and a half, without even realizing it I eliminated almost all unnecessary movement from my life. I found that I couldn’t even do movements that had previously been my saving grace when I was in the most pain. I was lost and terrified of where I was headed…
Down the slippery slope of pain.
Every day I teach people how to overcome that little voice that keeps them fearful of resuming their normal life after injury or illness. Somehow though I couldn’t hear that voice in my own head. I refused to hear that voice, but somehow I still gave it the power to take over.
Finally, I am aware and have started to resume normal life again, but I am also reminded of how incessant pain truly is.
Before you know it, it envelopes every aspect of your life and every fiber of your being.
I have always endeavored to be empathetic of my clients’ experiences with pain and their recovery journey, I understood where they were coming from, I had been there for so long.
What was missing though was the ability to be sympathetic to myself. That would mean I had to put myself in the equation, to realize my own ongoing journey.
I can help anyone feel better in their body, but for a moment in time, I was unable to help myself.
I write this as a reminder to myself, not today but to my future self when this happens again. It inevitably will, but every time it does I will get stronger and smarter, and that voice will have less power over me.
A highly-trained movement specialist can provide valuable tips and tricks to help you silence that inner pain monster and find the power to recover. Click HERE to learn more about ReActive Movement’s Functional Pilates and Therapeutic Exercise programs customized for your specific needs.
Holly Wallis, Certified Movement & Rehabilitation Specialist, PMA®-NCPT
Director of US Operations, Body Harmonics Pilates & Movement Institute
Studio Director, ReActive Movement, 6200 LaSalle Ave, Oakland, CA 94611
www.bodyharmonicsUS.com (Pilates Teacher Education)
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